I’ve been blessed to fall in love with God all over again. This time was like no other. My current call is to be still and know that He is God. I am caught in a place where only transformation is possible. I will be stuck in this phase until it is complete. I know God can change my heart; change me, and I believe that is what He has planned for me.
Inside my cocoon, I cannot move
I’m caught between the ground and a tree
Hanging upside down, I cannot see clearly
I am only looking at what’s here
The sunlight shining through the veil of your love
You have wrapped me so tight, I know you are near
Breathe Your breath into me
As I exhale, you transform my life
As my body shrinks, I feel you reshaping me
As my wings are formed, I must be-
Still, silent, sorrowful… for it hurts.
Everything hurts, but feels so good.
I know your light is transforming me
Let the spectrum of color be born in my cocoon;
From the inside, until I get out.
Breakups have to be the most melodramatic event in a person’s life. From the outside it looks overplayed. From the inside, it is very confusing and frustrating. I can only relate it to the image of a grown woman pulling out her hair on the inside while looking calmly at her boyfriend on the outside. For any women watching, they would know this is the look of death, but to an average Joe, it is only discontentment.
I’ve experienced a melodramatic break up many years ago. I even wrote a poem about my frustrations during it. Read below and let me know what you think.
An Empty Stare
I’ve starred at our promises
I’ve starred at our dreams…
And nothing is changing.
I’ve starred at your heart
And I’ve looking into mine,
And yours are not my desires.
How can we desire someone so different for our lives?
How can we desire but not choose to be of the same mind?
We argue differences that don’t matter
We agree we have not found a way
And yet we disagree to move on.
We both know it is what we need but it is something you do not want.
Why do you cling to me like I am your heart beat?
Why won’t you loosen your grip if you refuse to offer me anything for my happiness?
It has always been about your dreams.
It has always been a path for you.
It has always been your life and me to follow…
But you can’t have it all, for you would not pay the price-
The price for my life and I will not pay it with my own
For what good is a dead wife laying beside you…
As if you were not really alone?
I find it frustrating that it is considered socially awkward to look someone in the eye without talking. I love eye contact and I think it shows a lot about a person to be able to hold it… given you connect with the person or are comfortable with them. The article I read about eye contact specified that if you combined eye contact with a smile, it is socially acceptable.
As far as staring goes, it is beyond creepy if caught. Staring can be defined as looking at someone for longer than 5 seconds. I recently took a few trips to the southwest part of the valley, close to the air-force base and I must say I have never been stared at more in my life. I may have looked over dressed for the places I was in, but every which direction I turned I saw multiple men staring at me (some very good looking I might add). I soon realized I was have a slight case of culture shock in the same city. Seeing how I was close to a military base, the men could be from different parts of the country and may need training on deflecting their eyes before they get caught. To my benefit, they did not and I got an ego boost lol.
Seeing how I am single, holding a gaze is not a problem… but for those romantically involved with others, is it okay for them to look? According to Every Man’s Battle, looking longer than 5 seconds is trouble. This is not saying you can not maintain eye contact with another during conversation, but checking them out!! No no.
And so in the spirit of staring, I wrote a poem about eyes connecting… if there were no windows to the soul, we’d be lost… but sometimes it just makes things MORE confusing.
Your eyes endlessly stare
As if they are captured in a picture
They are still
Glued to my heart they stick
And I can not tear them off.
I would keep your heart in mine
But it would only stay for a while
Long enough for you to regain your stare and glance elsewhere.
You won’t allow the cosmos their way
Instead you peacefully wait
For a moment that will never come
For an opportunity that has already passed
So I sit and stare
At the opportunities I can see but not make real.
My dreams stare endlessly, but all that’s left is me.